For the unenlightened, Gossip Girl is Dynasty set in an Upper East Side prep school where everyone dresses fabulously and the plot is roughly based on your standard Romeo & Juliette scenario, except the guy from the wrong side of the track hails from Williamsburgh. But wait, current revelations include that his dad and his girlfriend's mom had a love child together back when he was in an early '90s Morrissey-like band. Lest anyone get bummed out by this Faulknerian twist of fate, said love kid supposedly died. We of course know that he lurks someone just waiting to meet his dating half-siblings with their crazy ass designer clothes, constantly flowing Dom Perignon and Hamptonian summers.
High-end escapism aside, Gossip Girl is the first show to be driven by modern modes of communication, most significantly texting and a blog written by an anonymous person at the school that all the "heathers" feed info to. You can't sneak a joint in a bathroom or buy a pregnancy test at a pharmacy without photos of it from camera phones getting all over the school.
Now that I haunt the hallways of my kids P.S. at least 2x per day, Gossip Girl is becoming more real than ever, except our clothes suck and makeup is frowned upon. On the clothing front, the stay at home moms favor the P.S. XXX brand -- nicely designed by a local parent/graphic designer -- or aging Brooklyn Industries "718" shirts, bags and Michelin man-style down coats (didn't these suck the first time around? why are they back?). Love the fact that all items from this supposedly-local company are indeed made in China.
School gossip usually revolves around who is falsifying their address to be in the school, the new crop of kindergarten parents who moved here from Manhattan from the school and absolutely know that the needs of their "gifted and talented" child are not being met, and one mom who always appears in full maquillage, high heeled boots and is resolutely hot. While the majority of moms have the distinct "flat boob" appearance that comes from breast feeding too long -- hers are perky with full cleavage on display. Yes, I will admit envy. I was told by a mammographer that I had only glandular tissue and no fat in them any more. So humiliating to buy an undergarment and have it labeled "your first bra."
I'm still not sure where I fit into the rank and file of the school and in my unemployed status I'm still getting "what are you doing picking up your kid" looks at 3PM. I also break the playdate no spontaneity rule. Yesterday I performed the humiliating act of showing up and seeing if anyone was free, which is akin to sitting with a Gunny Saxe dress and flashing your braces at an 8th grade dance and hoping just hoping someone will ask you to dance the guitar solo part of Stairway to Heaven. Indeed, between all the afterschool "my daughter is in the most marvelous tutoring program so she can begin reading Faulkner at 5", the Chinese lessons, the yoga for kids -- yes, children are capable of downward facing dog -- I turned up empty handed in the playdate department. Pumpkin bread baking remedied the problem. Today I have scored the requisite appointments and have a home baked treat on offer. But wait, I failed big time as I admitted to the parent of playdate kid that at 5 PM mine religiously watch a TV show -- albeit a cartoon with Christopher Lloyd about math.
Don't judge me about kid PBS consumption...my question to all those pop culture hating moms is why does your 5 year old daughter know the plot of every High School Musical movie and that Sasha and Malia had the Jonas Brothers at their treasure hunt in the White House?
XOXO (thinly veiled Gossip Girl reference)
Gossip Mom
P.S. Lest you think I overstate the case for the above TV show, it's a 20 something obsession that rose through New York Magazine intern blogs to become a cover story for them. http://nymag.com/tags/the%20greatest%20show%20of%20our%20time
This Week's Body Count:
- Pairs of kid jeans repaired with iron-on patches: 2 -- there's a recession on
- Blissful meal with two friends sans kids at hot new restaurant Buttermilk Channel -- we're denying there's a recession on -- +10
- Speed shopping at Fairway Red Hook: 28 minutes, but forgot the butter and broke the eggs going over a pothole -- +5
- Developed sorting system for small plastic objects: people vs. cars, vs. flying vehicles vs animals. Question: do aliens fit in the animal or people box -- +20
No comments:
Post a Comment